Welcome to my new series Autism Profiles, where a few Neurodivergent adults share some information about what it’s really like to be an Autistic/ND person. I sent them a range of personal questions and have compiled the answers below. I know that most people would assume all Autistic people are the same, and that misguided thinking is what has inspired me to start this series. As you will see in my previous blog, the basic criteria are what ties us together in that we are on the Autism Spectrum, but the ways in which these things are expressed can vary a lot!
Thank you to all the participants that make these posts possible.
Hi, I’m Kelly, 32, Female, Australia, Perth. I am the adoptive mother of twin 10yr old girls also on the spectrum amongst other diagnoses. I am in my final 6 months of secondary science and math education degree.
I have always known I was different from quite young; however, I have a high IQ, am mixed Australian heritage, and was aware of my attraction to both males and females from a young age. So being different came with the territory. I was diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses after I was raped at 15 when my world came spiralling down. The only reason I ever considered ASD was because of my daughters. One in particular, people kept mentioning how it was one thing to have been gifted children by chance that looked exactly as people expected my girls would, but that one of them was so much like me behaviour wise as a kid it was uncanny. That was 2 years ago, after some research, I self-identified and decided 12 months ago it was important for myself and my girls to be officially diagnosed.
I refer to myself a few ways, Aspie, “on the spectrum,” “having ASD.” I try to avoid Autistic as it has such a negative connection to it. I am what my therapist calls an exponential minority: A female, who is bi-sexual, of Indigenous ancestry, and diagnosable neurodivergent. I face ableism and bigotry for nearly every aspect of my being.
I am very interested in the human mind, how it works, from a completely neurological standpoint. Like while I accept psychology has its place, to me it is only the starting point of the investigation, I am obsessed with the physical changes that occur in the brain during development due to environmental factors. Probably because I was trying to work out for myself as a kid why I felt so alone despite being surrounded by so many people. I am a strong advocate for equity in education.
Can’t say I really have a favourite way to spend a day. I suppose it would be when I teach or have an intense conversation with someone and can sense the change in thought processes happening in their mind. Knowing I have maybe opened them up to a new way of perceiving the world.
The thing I struggle with the most as an Aspie is people telling me how I feel, or that I should feel a certain way. Or asking me what it is like to not care what others think. All massive misconceptions.
The sensory aspect depends on my mood. I also have Bipolar affective disorder. When I am in a manic state, I find myself seeking smells and sounds, walking around a lot when I talk, and talking a lot louder. When I am highly strung or anxious, I find myself avoiding as much sound and smell as possible. I am not particularly fond of being hugged, but I love deep pressure massage, and love the feeling of a tattoo being created on my skin.
The thing I love about being an Aspie is that I feel I can see things for what they are. I see everything as a question needing an answer. I cannot accept “just because” or “it has always been that way” I need to be in a perpetual state of change. That is the point of evolution. You can not move forward while sitting idle in the parking lot waiting for an easy exit.
My comorbid conditions are ADHD, Manic Depression, C-PTSD, Bipolar Affective disorder, Generalised Anxiety and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.
The ASD stereotype I don’t relate with is that I don’t really collect anything. My house is like organised chaos.
The stereotype trait I relate to the most is that I will turn anything I can scientific or clinical in nature to avoid dealing with the emotional side of it. I have don’t this my whole life, and it has only really become my downfall since having my kids and realising I can not control the world for them.
My condition is only part of who I am. Having a diagnosis has just given me a better understanding of why I have struggled in areas of life that seem so simple for others. It doesn’t mean I can not do it. It doesn’t even mean I should change to do it. That is a decision I need to make for myself and my happiness. What would be great though, is that when I say to another educator “I know that my ASD is the reason I struggle with creating experiments for my classes, I need help working on this” they would actually help, just like when they use me to create better written assessments that cannot be misconstrued by wording.
Also, in education, being an Aspie teacher does not mean I should only teach ASD kids. Yes I want to provide a mentor for them, but I always want to use my privilege as the teacher to build a better understanding of Autism and neurological disorders for all the kids in the class to build a better sense of belonging for everyone in the class.
Fact is every child that walks in the door has shit going on. Puberty is the hardest time in a child’s life to feel like they belong. They are searching for belonging.
I actually dislike the word DI-VERSITY as it panders to the privileged and ableist ideals which perpetuate one vs the other. Therefore, one must inevitably be the better of the two, and one must strive to reach the greatness of the other.
We need a new world. So far studies have shown almost everything to do with human thought process to be on a spectrum, not just ASD. What if we found a way to put everyone under a spectrum/continuum, where there was no distinct variation. The sooner we see humanity this way the more accepting all will be an we will able to move towards the ultimate goal of maslows hierarchy of needs- belonging.
More information:
Autism. What's that?
Why everything you know about Autism is wrong (Ted Talk)
Aspienwomen: Moving toward an adult female profile of Autism/Asperger Syndrome
Previous blogs: